Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
