I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
