Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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