Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
