OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
