Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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