Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
