At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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