just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
His hands were made for my vagina.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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