He uses pillows to masturbate.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
