I seem to have left my pride at pride
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize