that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
