Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
