I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I can text with my tongue
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
