I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
