bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize