I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
