I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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