Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
