Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
im six kinds of drunk right now
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
