there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
