Screwed.edu
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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