careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
