last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
