I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
