Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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