Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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