Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
