I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
