I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
