On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need water and some morals
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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