six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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