he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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