i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
