I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
