did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
