My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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