I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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