There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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