Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
