Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
