escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
