He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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