I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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