You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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