I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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