I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
