ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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