cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
