turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
