Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
