____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
