They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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