So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize