you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
