So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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