booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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