There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
3 2 1 whiskey
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
