meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
