Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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