I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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