Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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