i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
