Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
