soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
