woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
