My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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